and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize