If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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