We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We have started to decorate penises.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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