sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
