I need to stop coming to work sober
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
