He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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