hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
