I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
