I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
