My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
