Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize