moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
