you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
