just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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