capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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