well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You pole danced in your parka.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
