how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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