I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
