if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
