well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
