I'm gonna have a badass scar
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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