Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
