Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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