and you said cock pushups were impossible
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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