Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
