I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Randomize
