You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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