Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
