I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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