Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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