Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You are the jesus of drinking
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
