You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i believe in u and ur pee
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
