Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
