Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
