just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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