I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
