I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
