Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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