dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
