just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
