I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
