The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
