Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
