I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just want nice things and good sex
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
