I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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