Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
