sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
