I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
