Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
