He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
