Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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