I want to make a zoo with you.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
