Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
