Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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