my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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