if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
