omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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