getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
