I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
