All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
