didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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