Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Can I color on your dick again?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
