party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
