my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
jump out the window naked night went bad
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