we have officially lost it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
