I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
