i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
