I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize
