It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
